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Introduction
Respects the client's humanity.
We all have limits, both internal and external, and as much as coaching is about maximizing potential and opportunities, we are all human and the Certified Coach respects this. Success without stress is what we are all after and by recognizing limits and appreciating different paths to achievement, the client is both individually and universally respected.
The Purpose of This Learning Guide
1. To explain the Proficiency.
2. To show how mastering this Proficiency makes you a better coach.
3. To provide key resources to assist you in mastering this Proficiency.
What the instructor covers in this teleclass
1. The distinction between patience and respect or acceptance.
2. How to feel and demonstrate respect for the client's humanity.
3. The common mistakes coaches make as they develop this proficiency.
4. The benefits of respecting the client's humanity.
What are the general truths about respecting a client's humanity?
1. Clients have limits.
2. We have to respect these limits, even as we encourage them to break through the limits.
What is the model for respecting a client's humanity?
 Respect the clients limitations.
Honor and accept their personality or DNA. Respect their sense of timing and their personal capacities.
Respect the culture of the client.
Honor and acknowledge the client's culture's way of doing things, cultural tethers, and the style in which the client does things. This doesn't mean they can't choose to do it differently, but they have to feel respected before they can consider entering new territory.
Respect the client's paradigm.
Identify and honor the client's beliefs and truths, their identity and roles, and what their reality is.
What can the client expect?
Instead of feeling ignored, over-ridden and pressured by the coach, the client will feel honored and relieved, which makes it easier to get into action.
How do you respect a client's humanity?
What are the 7 areas of humanity to respect?
Key Points/Topics
1. Patience vs. Respect.
Being patient with someone is "tolerating" what they are going through until they can catch up with you. Respecting them and their humanity - their situation, their responses to it, the choices they make - without judgment or needing them to behave in a particular way, is honoring all parts of them, and seeing the perfection. When someone feels respected, they know they have an advocate in their corner and it is easier to make more resourceful choices.
2. Respecting the client's humanity brings a deeper experience.
Respecting the client's humanity eliminates or reduces the barriers or distance between coach and client. With a deeper relationship, the client can make faster shifts because they feel safe and cared for. Remember, it's the client's life, not yours.
3. Respect the client's RAM limitations.
As a coach, you may be poised for faster action than your client. Chances are you've already gone through some of what they are dealing with. Success without stress is what are aiming for. By not forcing the client to take on the rate of change you prefer, s/he will be able to integrate the changes they do make more fully.
4. Respect the client's style and approach.
Help the client determine which style and approach will work best for them. They know what works - your job is to help draw it out of them. If you try to force or persuade the client to do it your way, chances are it will create more stress for the client, and not produce the results they are looking for. It's OK to offer suggestions, just make sure that's what they are - suggestions.
5. Respect the client's wishes.
Coaching is client-centered. They are in charge. If you don't respect their wishes, it is likely an adversarial relationship may develop - which is not particularly conducive to coaching. If you try to push them before they are ready, they may turn on you. Share your impressions and observations, and remember that ultimately the decisions about their lives and how quickly to proceed are theirs.
What are some key distinctions?
1. Coaching is a collaborative process.
As you get more sophisticated in your coaching, clients will not feel pressured by you. Instead, they will feel inspired and enjoy to co-creative process. If you see it as collaborative, you are more likely to respect the client's humanity naturally.
2. Know your clients.
There is a time and a place for everything. With some clients you can use a lot of edge and they are not going to feel it. Whereas with others, you need a more gentle approach. Make sure you respect and believe in the client, and use the technique or approach which will help them get the result they want.
3. Short-term results may not be what is in the best interests of the client.
When you respect the client's humanity - all of it - then you are keeping their larger-focus best interests in mind. While it may be beneficial in the short-run to persuade them to do something, check to see if it moves them toward their larger goals and sustains that movement.
4. Respecting your client helps them know they are OK, no matter what is happening in the moment.
It's a healthy part of the coaching process to let the client blow off some steam - even to complain or commiserate. This doesn't mean inviting them to tell their "story" every time. But thinking that the client has it all together in all areas of their lives - or that they should - creates a barrier between you and the client. Trust is strengthened when the client knows you think the best of them, despite how things might look on the surface of their lives.
Why is this a Proficiency?
1. Requires keen self-awareness and self-confidence.
Respecting the client's humanity, no matter the circumstances, is a sophisticated, enlightened way of being. It requires that you be able to have that same level of respect for yourself first. When you honor your own humanity, it get you out of the "guru" mentality, or thinking you know best. People in general do not have this skill, yet it is an essential one for The Certified Coach.
2. It encompasses respecting all of humanity.
This is part of what makes coaching a leading-edge profession. You are dealing with the 1-1 or small group experience, but as you model this for others, you create room for much more possibility far beyond the apparent sphere of influence.
3. You must be able to sense the balance between sharing your insights and pushing your opinions.
The Certified Coach is talented in sharing their ideas and opinions - particularly when asked. Withholding an idea or possibility from the client does not honor their humanity - or yours. But having judgment about what they should or should not do, also does not honor their humanity. It is sometimes a delicate balance.
4. Requires mastery of basic coaching skills.
Obviously respecting the client's humanity goes far beyond basic skills or having a formula approach. It is genuine and ever-present. Most cultures do not teach people to be this way - even if their language would have you believe otherwise. Mastering this requires a sophisticated level of understanding and consistent application.
Benefits - How does respecting the client's humanity make you a better coach?
1. Deepens the relationship with the client.
As the relationship is deepened and the client feels "safer" in the relationship, s/he will be able to stretch in to new areas and more likely to take physical and mental action toward creating what they want.
2. It allows you to be fully present with the client.
When you really respect the client and everything they are going through, it takes the pressure off you to "perform" as the coach, allowing you to simply be present with them. You are a better coach when your focus is on the client rather than how well you are doing as a coach.
3. You will know that there is always an answer available from somewhere.
Again, this takes the pressure off you to have to come up with the solution. When you know that the client knows best, and that you are part of the collaborative process, you are actually more resourceful and more likely to help come up with a workable solution.
4. You will enjoy the client more!
Life is easier when you like your work and the people you are working with.
5. The other 14 Coaching Proficiencies will come more naturally.
As you master this proficiency, you will find that you naturally integrate the other Coaching proficiencies into your coaching. They will cease being an "exercise" or something you have to do, but will become the way you coach.
How do you know if you're getting it?
1. You genuinely appreciate and enjoy the client.
2. It's OK to just BE with them, without having to DO anything.
3. You recognize your own humanity - and perhaps even chuckle at it.
4. You notice that you are relishing the truth.
5. You recognize the perfection.
What are some common mistakes when using this Proficiency?
1. Being too linear in your thinking.
Newer coaches often want to jump in with the "specific goal by a specific time" game plan when what would serve the client best is to strategize for 3-6 months without necessarily being "in action."
2. Forcing your own standards on the client.
It's OK for the client to be doing "OK" - you don't have to try to get them to "fantastic". Maybe "OK" is exactly where they need to be right now. It is part of the western work ethic that things should be bigger, better, faster. But that's not always true...and doesn't always match the culture. No need to be a cattle-prod (unless that's what they want from you, of course).
3. Thinking you are right.
One of the biggest mistakes. You have ideas, but the client is right. It's their life, not yours.
4. Not catching on quick enough.
Listen to what the client is saying. Sometimes you think you're offering an idea, but the client feels like you are pushing. It's your job to catch on to the nuances of the conversation.
5. Holding back when you have an idea.
Sort of the reverse of #2. There's a way to do this with elegance and finesse. If it's a collaborative process, you need to be there completely, which means respecting all of the humanity that is present. If you have an idea and you withhold it, especially if they've asked for it, that's not really fair.
Class Notes
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