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Introduction
Communicates cleanly.
This should be obvious, yes? After all, the cleaner the communication, the less that gets in the way of great coaching. That said, most of us have 'stuff' in our communication style which slows down the super-conductive nature of the coaching process. Certified Coaches have worked to clean up the stuff that can get in the way of effective coaching. What kind of stuff? Everything from biases, judgments, unmet needs, shoulds, coulds, to singularity, vicariousness, agendas, arrogance and fears. It's all cleanable.
The Purpose of This Learning Guide
1. To explain the Proficiency.
2. To show how mastering this Proficiency makes you a better coach.
3. To provide key resources to assist you in mastering this Proficiency.
What the instructor covers in this TeleClass
1. The difference between communicating cleanly and intending to communicate cleanly.
2. What tends to get in the way of clean communication.
3. How to begin cleaning up your communication.
What are some general truths about communicating cleanly?
1. Unwittingly, we and our communication can get in the way of our client's progress.
2. It's possible to be a perfect communicator.
3. The trick is to be responsible for how you are heard.
What are some key distinctions?
1. Clean it up vs. give it up.
Being clean in your communication doesn't mean you can't have opinions or judgments, but that you are clear and forthright about what they are. Be honest with yourself and your client.
2. Eliminate the "buffer".
Often the way in which you communicate can create a buffer, a barrier, between you and the client. When you try to be non-judgmental, intentional, present, etc., the "trying" actually creates space between you and the client that gets in the way of the coaching process.
3. Absence of vs. unnecessary additives.
The key is to create an absence of buffer, an absence of unnecessary words and processes. Don't tell the client what you are going to do, just do it.
How do you communicate cleanly?
 Clean up the tone.
Eliminate any coolness or flatness. Eliminate hype and puffery. Don't be heavy.
Improve the connection.
Take responsibility for how you are heard and who plays what roles..
Overcommunicate.
Share your concerns, inklings, and biases. When you overcommunicate you make sure things are clean.
What can a client expect?
They will shift from being defensive, pulling back, or feeling judged, to being engaged, relaxed and altered.
What categories tend to need cleaning?
1. Buffer
Where's the fluff in what you are doing or saying?
2. Judgment
While you may not be able to eliminate judgment - or want to - you do want to be clean about it. It hard to try to be non-judgmental and have a casual conversation.
3. Self-referencing
Check yourself here. If you are about to share a personal story, what's your objective? How will this directly benefit the client? Is it about you wanting to feel connected or prove that you understand?
4. Needing the client to be "successful"
While all coaches want their clients to be successful (why would we be doing this otherwise?), it is important to clean up your beliefs about what success is - for you and for others.
5. Performing
What is your purpose in your communication? Is any part of it affected by your desire to look knowledgeable or competent? If so, your focus is on you, not the client. Paying attention to your own performance always gets in the way of coaching.
Why is this a Proficiency?
1. Requires knowing yourself at a deep level.
Not everyone can recognize when they are the ones creating the buffer. The Certified Coach recognizes this without even trying, and cleans it up automatically, without interrupting the coaching process.
2. Must be able to get out of your own way
Being truly client-centered is easier said than done, and requires advanced coaching skills.
3. Requires mastery of basic coaching skills
Coaching must be so automatic to you that you don't even have to think about it. When you are thinking about what you are doing, you are not communicating cleanly -- you'll be communicating about communicating. Get the basic skills down, know your own style, and let it roll.
What should you do to communicate cleanly?
1. Be yourself.
There is a difference between being yourself and "being who you are". It's not just semantics; there is a qualitative difference. When you are "being who you are", you are being conscious of the process, which creates a big of a barrier. When you are just being yourself, you're not thinking about it. You're just being. Go for the absence of barrier.
2. Express the normal range of emotions.
Cleaning up your communication doesn't mean being bland. You're the coach. Let you be you.
3. Acknowledge your bias.
If you have a bias or an opinion, acknowledge it. It might be just what the client needs to hear. And, by being clean about it, you are being straightforward and ethical - no hidden agendas.
4. Learn to be comfortable with silence.
Beginner coaches are often uncomfortable with silence and will talk to fill the gap. Here's the thing... clients are uncomfortable with it, too. So if you let silence happen, the client will be the one to fill it. Usually they'll fill it with something profound. It's in the silence that profoundness occurs.
How does communicating cleanly make you a better coach?
1. It eliminates the client's need to perform.
If you are communicating cleanly, it reduces the client's need to be perfect for you. It creates room for dealing with what's really going on.
2. The client feels valued and heard.
Communicating cleanly actively demonstrates that you value and understand the client. They might not know why they feel it, but they will feel it.
3. Requires you to play a bigger game.
Cleaning up your communication requires you to play really big, which makes even more room for the client to play a bigger game. You become an outstanding model for them.
4. Communication becomes more important than talking.
You will be clear about how you are being heard, not just what you say. This creates a deeper level of understanding -- for both the client and the coach.
How do you know if you're getting it?
1. You feel relaxed and are having fun.
2. You know you are being yourself, without having to think about it.
3. You feel genuinely curious from a neutral point of view.
4. You are responding vs. reacting.
5. The client hears what you mean.
6. The client doesn't react or resist.
7. The client fully engages with you.
8. The communication is effortless for you.
What are some common mistakes when using this Proficiency?
1. Being too intense.
If you are too intense about how you are communicating, then you are actually creating the buffer we've mentioned. You must relax into this.
2. Talking too much.
The Certified Coach is comfortable with silence, and actually uses it as a tool to advance the client.
3. Self-referencing.
You can communicate cleanly without pointing out that you are doing it. Remember, you are being yourself, not explaining who that is.
4. The need to be right.
Coaches mis-hear things, and misinterpret. That's OK. In fact, that may actually add to the coaching relationship by providing a venue for the client to get clean about their communication. Don't push. You don't have to be right. Your goal is to help the client be right.
5. Not doing your own work first.
Don't use the coaching relationship as the opportunity to get clean with your communication, just be clean with it. If you haven't done the Absence Of Program, that would be a good place to start.
Class Notes
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