Coaching a Viking with the IAC Masteries

Dialogue

IAC
Mastery and Comments

Astrid:
"It’s a mess."

#5
Expressing. The coach starts with a reality check, emotionally
participating (through her facial expression and tone of voice) but without
making discounts on reality. Tone is appropriate for the relationship
that exists between the two and their cultural setting as Vikings.

Astrid:
"You must feel horrible. You’ve lost everything: your father,
your tribe, your best friend."

#4
Processing in the present. The coach challenges the client sentiments
("must" is a little strong, but it is culturally appropriate,
they are Vikings, client does not expect to be asked "how do you
feel" and in general he does not expect his sentiments to be acknowledged,
so Astrid’s choice to acknowledge them in an authoritative and challenging
manner is a good balance between acknowledging emotions and respecting
cultural mind frame) and further details the reality check.

Hiccup:
"Thank you for summing that up."

#3
Engaged listening: The client feels acknowledged and validated
in the messy situation, and bitterly acknowledges that the coach summarized
the tough reality.

Hiccup:
"Why couldn’t I have killed that dragon when I found him in
the woods? Would have been better for everyone."

#3
Engaged listening. The client willingly shares his concern, fears
and doubt. He is asking himself the questions. The coach's reality check
allows the client to raise questions about what he did, about the past.
Establishing a relationship of trust.

Astrid:
"Yep. The rest of us would’ve done it."

#2
Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential.
The coach masterfully acknowledges the client's judgment and uses it to
underline the client's uniqueness.

Astrid:
"So why didn’t you?"

#1
Establishing a relationship of trust and #2 Perceiving,
affirming and expanding the client’s potential. The coach
challenges the client, following the client's logic and at the same time
reinforcing the client's individuality.

Hiccup:
"…"

#3
Engaged listening: The coach allows some silence before asking
again. The client starts working on the answer, showing that the coach's
questions are working as a command to explore.

Astrid:
"Why didn’t you?"

#1
Establishing a relationship of trust and #6 Clarifying.
The coach identifies the most important issue, uncovering the unknown
and insistently keeping the client on point.

Hiccup:"
I don’t know. I couldn’t."

#3
Engaged listening. The client is struggling to find an answer,
and comes out with two disempowering negations, avoiding accountability.

Astrid:
"That’s not an answer."

#3
Engaged listening: The coach keeps the client focused and does
not collude with him.

Hiccup:
"Why is this so important to you all of a sudden?"

#5
Expressing. The client reacts by blaming the coach (in the tone
of voice) and again trying to put responsibility (response-ability, the
ability to respond) on the coach.

Astrid:
"Because I want to remember what you say right now."

#2
Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential.
The coach declares her commitment to the client's success, and takes responsibility
for her role as a witness to his success or failure.

Hiccup:"
For the love of… I was a coward. I was weak. I wouldn’t kill
a dragon."

#1
Establishing a relationship of trust. The client continues to
avoid accountability by blaming (this time himself).

Astrid:
"You said 'wouldn’t' that time."

#3
Engaged listening. The coach gives her full attention to the
words and nuances. She sticks to what and how the client tells the story,
catches the verb "wouldn’t" and focuses the client on
the difference between feeling non-capable (couldn’t) and feeling
he made a choice (wouldn’t).

Hiccup:
"Whatever! I wouldn’t! Three hundred years and I’m the
first Viking who wouldn’t kill a dragon."

#1
Establishing a relationship of trust. The client freely expresses
his emotions, acknowledging the difference between could and would and
reframing the experience by incorporating the fact that he wanted to behave
differently. Silence indicates that client and coach are both working
to deepen their mutual understanding of the situation.

Astrid:
"First to ride one, though. So?"

#2
Perceiving , affirming and expanding the client’s potential,
#7 Helping the client to set and keep clear intentions and
#8 Inviting possibility. The coach challenges the limiting
beliefs of what a Viking should do, to recognize a wider range of possibilities
and transcend barriers. The coach leverages the idea of difference and
adds one that is positive and rewarding for the client.

Hiccup:
"I wouldn’t kill him because he looked as frightened as I was.
I looked at him and I saw myself."

#1
Establishing a relationship of trust. The client has an insight
and acknowledges his emotions.

Astrid:
"I bet he’s really frightened now. What are you going to do
about it?"

#2
Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential.
The coach expands the client vision to include the dragon and how the
dragon feels, and then calls the client to action.

Hiccup:
"Ehh. Probably something stupid."

#7
Helping the client to set and keep clear intentions: The client
makes a timid move toward action, but then negatively connotes it with
his words, while his body language says he is starting to see a possibility.

Astrid:
"Good, but you’ve already done that."

#7
Helping the client to set and keep clear intentions, #8 Inviting possibility
and #6 Clarifying. The coach acknowledges the client
resolution but pushes the client to look for excellence in stupidity,
to try something new and move further. The coach does not judge the value
of calling the move stupid, but simply leverages it to encourage the client
to augment what he is really capable of.

Hiccup:
"Then something crazy."

#7
Helping the client to set and keep clear intentions and #6
Clarifying. The client gets the hint, resolves to action and
leaves.

Astrid:
"That’s more like it."

#7
Helping the client to set and keep clear intentions and #2
Perceiving, affirming and expanding the client’s potential.
The client is more excited about the future, the client has a realization
that removes a mental obstacle, the client is engaged and excited about
new direction. The coach acknowledges that the client made a shift and
is ready to act at his maximum potential, moving beyond his current paradigms.