IAC VOICE, Volume 4, Issue 88, October 2013, Circulation 4,471
October 7, 2013
From the Editor
Autumn in New England is here! I spent an afternoon in York, Maine recently and was able to truly appreciate the stillness that follows summer. The leaves are turning; pumpkin-flavored pastries and coffees are out; the days are warm and the nights are cold. I’ve always enjoyed this season, this gentle ease in to the upcoming winter months.
This month our talented contributors explore the Masteries, address your questions about authenticity in coaching, celebrate talented coaches in the community, and announce upcoming volunteer opportunities. I hope you enjoy these diverse articles and resources.
How have you enjoyed the VOICE these past few months? Is there something you’d like to see more or less of? Please feel free to contact us at email@example.com with comments, questions, event notices, or article contributions. We love hearing from you!
Best, Beth Ann
Beth Ann Miller holds a B.A. in Creative Writing and is a native New Englander. She has a professional background in editing and higher education, as well as working with youths in the arts. Her stories have appeared in small online and print journals and she is perpetually at work on new creative projects.
From the President – Susan Meyer Join Susan in celebrating a few of the many valued coaches in the community!
Detach From Outcome and Become “The Results Coach” – Doris Helge Boost your coaching confidence and gain freedom from your inner critic by using IAC Masteries 8 and 9 more effectively. Manage your inner critic so you can coach with greater confidence, promote your practice and enjoy new ways of coaching clients with inner critic issues.
Volunteer Opportunities Interested in sharing some of your time or expertise for a short-term project? Hoping to make a bigger impact by joining the Board of Governors? Check out the IAC’s latest volunteer opportunities!
Member Chat Calls Dates and links to the October Member Chats, hosted by Kristi Arndt.
We’re in the final months of our tenth anniversary and there’s still some celebrating left to do. We’ve created new awards to recognize significant achievements in the field of coaching and in service to the IAC. Two of these awards were given out earlier this year during the conference in India, hosted by Vice President Krishna Kumar. Sir John Whitmore, who was the keynote speaker at the event, was presented with an IAC Lifetime Achievement Award, acknowledging his many contributions to coaching. A President’s Award was presented to Bonnie Chan, who has done so much to represent the IAC in China.
I am delighted to announce that two additional awards were presented in September. Shirley Anderson was presented with an IAC Lifetime Achievement Award and Natalie Tucker Miller was presented with a President’s Award. You can find interviews with Natalie and Bonnie on our website and I will be interviewing Shirley within the next few weeks.
The IAC has represented the best in coaching over the past decade and this month, I’m devoting this space to telling you a bit more about our honorees, three of whom are long-time IAC members and IAC Master Mastery Coaches.
Sir John Whitmore
This first award was the only one presented to a coach who is not a member of the IAC. Sir John Whitmore is Chairman of Performance Consultants International. Whitmore, who was deeply influenced by The Inner Game of Tennis, has written five books on leadership, coaching and sports. Coaching for Performance is the best known, having sold 500,000 copies in 17 languages.
Whitmore was a motor racing champion in his 20’s before retiring to run a large agribusiness, a product design company and a Ford Main Dealership. In 1968 he gave up business to study psychology in the USA, before returning to England to set up a tennis school and a ski school in the Alps licensed by Timothy Gallwey of the Inner Game. The GROW (Goal, Reality, Options/Opportunity, Will/What Next) model of coaching has been developed and popularized by Whitmore.
Shirley Anderson was active on the Board in the earliest days of IAC. Anyone who has ever heard her present or has been on a Coach Salon call will appreciate this self-description from Shirley’s website:
“My colleagues have dubbed me “Coach Yoda.” This makes me laugh. I trust it describes my relating and mentoring skills, rather than how I look. I’m known as the truth teller and someone who brings intelligence, compassion, education, and maturity to my work with clients.”
The article below from the IAC VOICE, Vol 1, Num 4, May 27, 2004, announces Shirley’s appointment as the first Chair of the Certification Committee and the Board of Governors:
Shirley Anderson, IAC’s newly elected Chair of the Board of Governors (BOG), has been coaching since 1989. She has worked with more than 1,000 clients, helping them to achieve their goals and leverage their skills. She works with executives, authors and other professionals.
Shirley holds a bachelor’s degree in English and a master’s degree in criminal justice. Her coaching certifications include Certified Masteries Coach, Master Certified Coach (MCC), and IAC Certified Coach (IAC CC). As a member of the IAC Certifier/Examiner Committee, she was one of the three original coaches to earn IAC’s Certified Coach designation. Shirley has been active in IAC since it was founded, originally focusing on Advanced Coaching Models and Systems. In addition to her role on the BOG, Shirley serves as Chair of the Certifier/Examiner Committee and is working with the certifying team to bring Step Two of the IAC Certified Coach exam to the full membership.
Looking back to the inception of coaching, Shirley recalls that “twenty years ago coaching was an executive perk, available only to corporate executives and leaders.” As a pioneer in the field, she says coaching emerged as a discipline with distinct models, principles, concepts and techniques “thanks to the brilliance and leadership of the late Thomas Leonard.” She believes that the “diverse business and professional backgrounds of new coaches enriches the profession and makes coaching available to the ordinary person.” She views coaching research as the most exciting current industry activity and says it “is helping to distinguish the work we do as a true profession.”
Bonnie Chan has been a member of the Board of Governors and is currently a Certifier. She has worked tirelessly on behalf of the IAC throughout Asia and is currently working closely with Natalie Tucker Miller towards completing certifications in Chinese.
After Bonnie graduated from the Keio University of Japan with a major in Human Science in 1985, she worked in Hong Kong, Japan, Canada and China.
Bonnie is the first IAC Master Masteries Coach from Hong Kong. She is the founding member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community (HKICC) and was elected President in 2005/6. She is actively involved as the Honorary Advisor to the community. She is currently a part-time lecturer in the HKU Space teaching Corporate Coaching. Bonnie has lived and worked in Hong Kong, Japan, Canada and China and speaks English, Putonghua, Cantonese, Mandarin and Japanese.
Natalie Tucker Miller
Natalie Tucker Miller is an internationally recognized speaker, certified coach, instructor and coach certifier. She was one of a handful of members to invest in a lifetime membership in the IAC and has been active on the Board of Governors. As a Certifier, she was part of the two-year process to create the IAC Masteries. From 2006-2008 she served as president for the IAC. She currently serves as Lead Certifier for the IAC and was instrumental in the development of the Learning Agreement process.
Natalie works with leaders in the elder care industry and provides training and coaching for executives and staff. She is the founder of Ageless-Sages.com, a publishing company specializing in illustrated picture books for elders, as well as producing books on historic events of interest to elders and personal development.
These are four amazing coaches, and we can all be proud that three of them are among our membership. There are many other incredible, distinguished coaches in our midst, and I am grateful every day to have been granted the privilege of being in such distinguished company.
Oh – A little something extra – Choice magazine subscribers can read “Building on a Solid Foundation” in the September issue. Natalie Tucker Miller and I wrote this for Choice’s Tenth Anniversary issue. You can also read it here (the IAC article starts on the second page). Don’t miss a feature article by our own Kim Ades as well.
Dr. Susan R. Meyer, MMC is President of Susan R. Meyer, Coaching and Consulting. As a Life Architect, she helps wise and wild women construct a joyful life, provides executive coaching and instills a coaching approach to leadership for organizational success. www.susanrmeyer.com.
Detach From Outcome and Become “The Results Coach” by Doris Helge
Why Masterful Coaches Detach
We coach because we care. What could be wrong with that? Sometimes it’s difficult to detach from our expectations and desires.
Example #1 Sometimes a client isn’t ready to follow through or change a behavior, even though they know their current actions aren’t producing the results they want. Because it would be easy to judge this client, it’s helpful to think outside of the box. The person who won’t yet leave behind a dysfunctional pattern isn’t necessarily a dysfunctional person. Usually, this client hasn’t fully gained all the wisdom available from a painful pattern of repeating the same mistake over and over. When you’re supportive without being judgmental or intrusive, you may notice the perfection of their internal guidance and their life path. I say this because many clients devour every last drop of learning available to them while they simultaneously grow tired of creating negative results. During a precise, internally guided, pivotal moment, they replace their self-imposed, restrictive rulebook. They create a bold, new life manual in each moment as they joyfully fly forward on their path to freedom. We couldn’t have created this manual for them. In fact, if our encouragement had involved pushing or advice, we would have delayed their progress.
Example #2 Sometimes it’s so clear to us that a client could be moving three steps ahead but they’re content to take a tiny baby step. They’re thrilled but we lament, “I just know they could be happier if they’d take a giant leap.” What’s the truth? As you know, when other people have a predetermined path they want us to take, a path that isn’t our idea, most of us want to race the other way, even when we know the other person is right. In coaching, there’s a bigger issue. Our desire for a client to be in a place other than where they are sends a very unhelpful energetic signal: the client reads our message, consciously or unconsciously, thinking, “my coach is judging me as off-track. I’m not good enough just as I am right now.”
The Outcome Attachment Dance Our judgments, assumptions, and expectations are colored by our own life experiences. We all perceive the world with filtered lenses. That’s simply how our brains work. It’s a very efficient system. It saves time and energy, but it also causes problems. Because our expectations about life, ourselves, and other people often pave the road to pain, we need to use awareness and our personal power to avoid struggle. Performance anxiety creeps in when we unconsciously think a coaching session is about us, about what we know and how much we can offer. It isn’t, but negative self-talk and self-criticism distort reality.
The Bigger Picture Our clients serve as human mirrors so we can perceive our own stuck spots, while we notice benchmarks and areas of progress. If I judge my clients for not moving faster through their growth challenges, it’s a sign. It’s time for me to look in the mirror so I can perceive the areas where I’m not progressing as quickly as I could. I’m unaware of those areas or I’d probably make a conscious decision to live in a different way.
Notice the difference between judging my clients as off-track, as opposed to simply observing their stuck spots with compassion. Empathy is clean, but a negative judgment is a self-inflicted trap that hurts everyone concerned.
When I’m compassionate, I’ve acknowledged that the client is “another part of me” because we are all one. All of us are participating in the great game called “life.” We play whatever roles are required to help each other learn and grow.
Your Detachment Toolkit
Blending IAC Mastery #8, “Inviting possibility” with IAC Mastery #9, “Helping the client create and use support systems and structures,” helps us let go of our expectations. The dance of detachment is choreographed by light, curious questions like, “I wonder where this session will go next?” and “I wonder my client needs right now?”
Another truly helpful tool is to recognize when your inner critic enters the coaching scenario. This negative inner voice will deflate your coaching confidence and squelch your ability to be in the moment with your client. When we’re unconscious of what triggers our inner critic, this perfectionistic, demanding force rules with an iron fist. When we discover how to effectively use the gremlin as a personal and professional growth tool, we stop struggling to achieve any certain outcome during a coaching session.
Voila! Self-sabotage slithers out of sight as the magic of coaching emerges. You trust the perfection of each co-created moment with your client. We gain so much joy and we deliver profound value when we haven’t a clue where a coaching session will begin or end. Learn simple tools for managing your inner critic so you can let go of unnecessary coaching stress and self-judgment.
Doris Helge, Ph.D., MMC is founder of the IAC-licensed training school, Confident Coach Connection. She created the New Coach Virtual Chapter of IAC. Download a free video and chapter from Dr. Doris’ Amazon.com #1 Bestselling book, “Conquer Your Inner Critic” at http://ConquerYourInnerCritic.com
El Derecho IAC Mastery #5 Expressing by Martha Pasternack
El derecho is a fierce and violent wind event. It is sudden, unexpected and appears out of nowhere.
When el derecho happens it is frightening because it is powerful enough to snap a 100-foot tall Ponderosa Pine in half, splintering the tree and sending it crashing to the ground. I have heard this happen. It is deafening. It is terrifying.
El derecho is gone as suddenly as it appears, leaving utter perplexity in its wake. Afterwards, the day becomes peaceful again even as the unabashed destruction remains.
Our clients experience emotional el derecho events. All may seem to be in order. Life is peaceful and serene. Then BAM! A force of nature blows through and life turns to chaos.
Case study: I have been coaching with a client for several months. She was always present on our calls and practiced the exercises we discussed in between sessions like an “A” student of personal growth. She was nearing the point where we were talking about meeting bimonthly because she felt empowered and skilled enough to live life on her own terms, centered in her intentions and able to find her footing when she needed to.
On our scheduled call one day she said she had been feeling so great that she considered asking to reschedule that day’s call. The day before, she realized she had nothing pressing and was wondering what we would talk about.
But that morning “out of nowhere” she experienced a devastating betrayal that shattered her sense of stability and sent her into a spiral of discontent. She told me she was angry, frustrated, crying uncontrollably, confused and ready to give up any belief that her life could ever be different. Her personal growth skills had failed her.
She came on the call in that splintered state of hopelessness, self-doubt and fear.
First things first. I encouraged her to feel her pain and express her frustration until she felt complete. Yes, I admit, I encouraged her to tell the story of what happened because I believe that within that story was the pathway back to her center. Boy, was she mad.
Once she cleared her pain and could make sense of what had happened I asked her what she was committed to and off we went. This simple act of my listening deeply and her feeling heard returned her to her stability and her truth. Her voice became clear, strong and calm and she could think clearly again.
The world as she knew it had changed in an instant. Her desire to center in trust, truth and love had not. She was able to get clear so she could move forward using her well-grounded personal power skills in a way she valued. She emerged from this storm empowered and proactive and committed to her values and the goodness of life.
After allowing herself to feel what she felt and think what she thought, she was prepared to respond to the situation rather than react from a place of fear. She easily moved forward from her gentleness and wisdom. She even was able to laugh at the absurdity of the situation that confronted her.
El derecho happens to all of us. Finding the courage to stand up after we get blown over, splintered and even shattered is a gift coaching can bring to our clients.
Our session concluded with a simple strategy to proceed, and in fact, my client felt confident enough in her coaching tools and skills to schedule her next coaching session two months hence.
My passion for witnessing the beauty and mystery of life, healthy healing and the promotion of Peace on Earth are integral to my daily life. I have been life coaching since 2004 as a Fearless Living Coach after working 30 years as a health care professional.
Adapting the Masteries to Best Practices Established in the Delivery of Coaching Services Online: Mastery 1 by DeeAnna Nagel & Kate Anthony
#1. Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust
Ensure a safe space and supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery and transformation.
Ensuring a space and a supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery and transformation online must include the technology and method of delivery.
Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust often begins with the coach’s website or directory listing. The coach’s ability to describe his or her approach is essential, as well as a biography and background information that is professional but easy to understand. This helps establish trust and builds the potential client’s confidence in the coach.
For instance, how will the potential client first contact the coach? If the coach instructs the potential client to email the coach, the email process should be one that is secure and encrypted.
In addition to the initial steps for contact, it is important to explain the process of online coaching and how the coaching will be delivered.
Once the coaching relationship is contracted, the coach can offer guidelines for issues related to possible technological breakdown and for how to re-establish contact should a breakdown occur. For instance, a video session may suddenly end and unless the coach has explained the guidelines to the client, the client may not know the end of the session was not intentional. Likewise, telling the client similar guidelines about the use of email or journal entries is important as well. See the following statements as examples,
Please know that I will never disconnect during a session with you on purpose. Should we become disconnected during a chat or video session online, try to re-establish a connection. If that is not possible, email, text or phone me to reschedule.
Another key element in establishing a safe environment when working online is to discuss the Online Disinhibition Effect. This can be accomplished very simply by explaining to a new client that working online often has positive rewards because we tend to be able to open up easily. Encourage the client to become aware of his or her comfort level as they disclose information. For instance,
You may find that working online works for you because some people find it is easier to be open and honest about the coaching process- how you are progressing on your goals or what seems to be difficult. We have time, so be sure to check in with yourself about how much you are disclosing. It is easier to open up but sometimes when we share too much too quickly, we might feel a bit vulnerable afterward. If this happens, feel free to talk to me about it.
Because of disinhibition, establishing “between session strategies” is important. One example that we have already referred to is journal writing. Keeping the client engaged between sessions can aid in the client feeling safe, resulting in the likelihood that the client will take more risks in the coaching relationship. Other examples of “between session strategies” might include sending a positive affirmation text or emailing an article of interest to the client.
With regard to online communication, pacing and cues are different. Educating the client about the nuances of online conversation may be necessary but can also give the client a feeling of security knowing that the coach is willing to teach him or her about the unique aspects of the communication. For instance, during a chat session, the coach might write,
When you are typing out your thoughts, take your time. You can send me bits of information at a time by simply entering after you have typed a sentence or two. Likewise, I will do the same. If you ask me a question and I am pausing to think, I will type [pausing] to let you know I am with you but I am contemplating your question.
This article, excerpted from Online Coach Institute’s Specialist Certificate in Online Coaching curriculum offers a brief overview of a few of the technological nuances that may influence the establishment and maintenance of trust in the online coaching relationship.
DeeAnna Nagel is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Coach in New Jersey.
Kate Anthony is a psychotherapist and Certified Professional Coach in Scotland. They co-founded the Online Therapy Institute/Online Coach Institute., and teach coaches and therapists how to deliver ethical and confidential services online. They can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Ask the Certifiers: Maintaining Authenticity by Natalie Tucker Miller, MMC
Q: Can you find and maintain your authenticity as a coach using the Masteries?
A: For me, the Masteries have become my self-awareness touchstone. Over the years I have found that any learning, understanding or studying I’ve done on my personal journey embodies the qualities I most revere within the Masteries. It’s that simple. And it’s that deep.
This personal journey is where I find the strength of my truest self as a coach.
In coaching conversations, often a client’s desire to be authentic emerges. This is a powerful and yet often elusive concept. What does it mean to be authentic? This word keeps popping up in business, personal development, pop culture and so on.
For me, it comes down to the distinction of “be” authentic vs. “be authentic.”
Take a moment to contemplate that distinction.
We can all appreciate how to “be authentic.” We can use facts and figures and values and speak from our integrity. As coaches we follow a certain code of ethics and coaching standards. We are authentic in our desire to help our clients maximize their potential, clarify their important goals and create the environments that are most meaningful for them.
But masterful coaching requires more than this. It invites us to model authenticity for our clients in a way that is profoundly deeper than the surface of doing authenticity.
I’ll demonstrate using a couple of the Masteries.
In Mastery #3, the coach must be alert to the discrepancies in the client’s communication. Does the timbre and tone of his/her voice match the words being used or the emotion being expressed? How often do you find yourself in a situation where you hold back your expressions, or judge the way you are feeling about something? We all do to one extent or another, for a variety of reasons. It isn’t good or bad, or right or wrong, but it is valuable information into the authenticity of one’s self expression. Tuning in to your own way of expressing creates an awareness that will allow you to see where you may be having trouble with genuine expression. It doesn’t mean to blurt everything you have to say? All out at once, it is simply a way to notice, reflect, then decide what you’d like to do with the information you’re holding back?
Mastery #6 points to the distinction of Source vs. Symptom. When we don’t go beyond what the client sees as an issue, or a block or a challenge, and venture into the reasons hiding behind the challenge, we are more apt to coach about a situation rather than the “who” of the client. Are there times you avoid looking past the symptom in your life? Do you notice the same unwanted things showing up time and again? This can often turn to blame, or looking outside yourself for a cause, which can cast a shadow on your authentic self. Being responsible for the events in your life is another way you can shine a light on the true, wonderful you and get to your source.
The Masteries can provide the roadmap for growth for our clients, and when we are dedicated to our own authenticity, they are our roadmap as well.
Please share your thoughts on this important topic!
Natalie Tucker Miller, MMC, is the Lead Certifier and a certifying examiner at the IAC, as well as Past-President. Natalie is founder of Ageless-Sages.com Publishing (www.ageless-sages.com), and creator of the literary genre, Picture Books for Elders™.
The IAC often has volunteer opportunities for one-time projects. If you’ve been reluctant to volunteer for concern of over-committing, consider some of these shorter term projects.
We are currently seeking someone with an interest and eye for graphic design for a remodeling project for member and certified coach certificates. If you’d like to work with an existing team for a short period of time, this would be nice way to “dip your toe in” the volunteer pool, get to work with some wonderfully creative people and put your creative stamp on a project! There are also more ongoing opportunities available for savvy social media partners.
If you’re ready to take a bigger plunge, IAC board positions are available for the coming year. This can be extremely rewarding if you approach it like your IAC learning agreement: how can I use my influence to enhance the IAC while enriching important aspects of my life?
Great opportunities await, especially if you have interest in online marketing, or serving members through benefit partners, or number crunching and more. Write to email@example.com to ask questions, or to request a Board of Governors application.
We’d love to get your feedback on any issue related to the IAC. Do you have any questions, concerns, encouragement or ideas for improvement regarding membership benefits, certification, the VOICE, the direction of the organization or anything else at all? Please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please help us improve.
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